Dear Dad,
The guilt of surviving parent is always paramount. It is almost akin to blasphemy for someone to even mention that one may or has turned out to be the better parent in the equation. So no matter how much you do or not do, you are discounted. You are less hallowed.
I often imagine what its like. And it scares me.
That fateful day in September 1999 when we first met. Yes I would say that. Because before that day you and I were two strangers living under a roof. Or as I joked with my friends, my ‘signing’ parent. Only time I managed to sneak a hi to you was on the once a year fancy parents’ day at school when it was compulsory for both parents to come and provide specimen signatures for the class year.
It was then that we would politely exchange my age, class and section. If the need be, my list of prizes for previous year.
But all that changed suddenly. It started with something as simple as, ‘change into your shorts and T-shirt. I don’t like this odd night suit that you are wearing’. We know your ancient hatred towards anything that can come close to a ‘nightie’. Though before that I did not know.
I will turn thirty this year. And you would be still as charming and handsome as ever. Still trying to sneak in a new fashion point in our face. Pulling off your aviators in swag.
Last time you were home we were chatting up on our college memories and laughing our ass off remembering all the funny things you and me have done individually. Suddenly in the middle of it all, I smiled and said: I have turned out so much like you.
For a split second you became quiet. Then you shook your head and said : No, you have absolutely not turned out like me. You read so much, you are always writing. You do not play sports. You are an extremely ethical person, which I am not. You believe that having a purpose is more important than carrying out a daily routine. You are not me. You are your own person. And you should let no one make you feel anything but that.
I stared at you. I almost went into a sense of shock. The brutal honesty, the strong dismissing of that emotion which I was experiencing. Only you have taught me this. To speak what your heart believes is true. And of course the underlying point of it all- Individuality. Being my own person.
As a blogger, a writer, a wife and a human being I particularly face many battles each day which border on peer pressure.
“Do you want this because you think it is needed or because your friend has it too,” this was the usual question before every materialistic or not so materialistic need.
This question guides me still.
Thank you for being you. Thank you for always helping me discover the ‘me’.
Love,
Richu beta.
Connecting to #MondayMusings
P.S Today I asked a rather simple question over twitter, if you feel like answering then do so by a simple click on the poll. Or a comment below would also suffice.
What is more tough? #FathersDay #singleparent
— richa singh (@richa_singh) June 19, 2016
We talk so much about mothers that we forget how important fathers are in shaping us as individuals..Like you, I have been shaped by my father a lot. What I am, whatever little good or admirable is in me is his. Yes, I’m my own person too but that is just because he showed me how to be one and let me be one..Health and happiness to your dad, Richa ????
That’s what I always say mothers take all the glory. This is such a heartfelt post Richa.
It is amazing how much better we understand our fathers as we grow into adulthood and see the world in a different light. Consciously or unconsciously we are so often shaped by our dads and at the same time, as adults realise that in spite of the similarities and common influences, we retain our uniqueness as individuals. Truly heartfelt post, Richa.
That is so beautiful..what your father has taught you. In many ways I think being a single dad is tougher. And that definitely does not mean that being a single mom is easy. A truly touching letter.
Beautifully written, Richa. That feeling of relating to your dad, more as a person than as a child, much later in life, is true for me as well. That’s what Dads do, they build families and characters from the background!
Best wishes to you and your Dad :)!
What a lovely post, Richa! You brought your father and those days in front of our eyes. I am also very similar to my Papa, in food habits, mannerisms etc.
Coming to your tweet, I saw it but I did not vote and I will tell you why. It pains me to see that there are single dads or moms. Whatever maybe the reason, it’s just not right. It’s so hard for either a single Mum or a single dad and so much for children. 🙁
Thank you for letting me share my feelings. It wasn’t possible over the tweet.
When I feed dinner to my four year old daughter, when I help her with her homework, when I’m harsh, or when I am not, when I play with her in the park, when she gives me that imaginary cup of tea when I come home, I am very, very aware of the fact that I am creating memories for her. She needs to remember me. I will not be able to influence how she becomes, but will be able to make her remember how I was :). Lovely, lovely post Richa. Thank you for this.
I’m glad I read this first thing this morning, Richa. There’s so much emotion here and most of all respect – which rates as #1 for me in relationships. Tell your Dad for me that he’s done a fantastic job in raising you to be YOU. ♥
The lines in the post where your father tells you that you are so unlike him and you are your own person are very touching. As I know it, it is neither easy to be a single mom nor a single dad. Both the roles are challenging in themselves.
A true post 🙂
I believe the same – a father is the one who changes with the growing age of child, he is the one who swings the ride when we sit on it to take out fear while mom always gets scared to do that if the child cries and protect and brings her to home
So if you want to make anyone your real Guru Your Father is the best one to go , meet and talk to , he will tell you your weak points along with motivating good ones and taking out the fear from inside of you.