Why can’t I go BREAKING BAD in India?

by | Feb 19, 2014 | Life | 51 comments

Let’s assume I am the chemist and I know how to cook the meth. Ok so now look at the options I have to start my own lab and cook meth to sell in the market.

Start with the RV (Recreation van)

I will need an RV inside which I will setup my lab. I will then have to drive it to a place isolated, away from the public’s eye. Letting me be, allowing me to cook my meth in peace.

.In India if I have an RV I will definitely not go unnoticed. Every now and then there will be someone wanting to sneak inside. Kids with their balloons needing a ride. And of course our very own Police officers needing their chai paani, it has to be illegal on some ground when my poor little sedan is on some occasions. This is a bloody RV!

To ensure none of this happens I need an ABANDONED site. In India with a population equaling one sixth of the world’s total, you really think I can find any space where people let me be? A place outside the city where no one can disturb me?

Money laundering


My wife is not a book keeper like Skylan White, she is an engineer and a writer. She definitely cannot launder my Crores of Indian cook money. Apart from this Baba Ramdev is hell-bent on cancelling 1000 and 500 Rs currency. How am I supposes to launder 100/- and 50/- Rs currency? The sacks to fill notes will perhaps take most of my money :-/

Saul Goodman


In India it is difficult to find a partner like Saul Goodman. A person who can take you out of any shit. Highly competent lawyer who is able to solve problems and find loopholes in order to protect his clients. Here I will only find lawyers who think on the lines of taking more money out from my pocket.
I will probably forget about cooking meth and open a small stationery shop selling photostats and stamp papers because most of my time will be devoted in purchasing them in India for all court cases.

Jesse Pinkman

Ooohhhh this one is the toughest because finding a guy like Jesse will be impossible. If someone wants to volunteer he can come for an interview. But really guys having a girlfriend might be the main deal-breaker in this. Because then basically your life would revolve around commands such as “baby where are you”, “no tell me where are you”,”you don’t love me anymore”. And not just girlfriends, there are mothers with their “beta khanakhaya” gharkabaaouge” OMG can’t handle this kind of shit.

Badger and Skinny Pete


They are sidekicks of Jesse in the show. Friends and partners in meth distribution network. Their USP is that they work with utmost honesty and integrity. In India picture this, guys are selling meth and instead of money they get “kal le lena bhai”, tu bhai nahi hai mera”, “Aaj tak aisa kabhi houa hai?” , “bus last time udhaar dede”.

To add to the issues, there will be a dozen middle men, and with their million cuts cash in the end will be nothing. And also they will have their own corruption issues, unexpected leaves without any information (I am also a corporate employee I know how I work). At the end I will be left with an inefficient system in which there will be losses and bureaucracy. What will be the difference between me and my boss then?

I just read the last line again, “What will be the difference between me and my boss then?” No I cannot lower myself to this extent. Even I have a reputation to protect. Hence the decision to start breaking bad in India has been duly cancelled.

This post has been written by Vikas Agarwal aka husband dearest who can be found at @vikas_agarwal18.
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51 Comments

  1. Anvita...
    Anvita... on February 19, 2014 at 3:49 pm

    Nice one Vikas! 🙂

    Reply
  2. Nabanita
    Nabanita on February 19, 2014 at 3:49 pm

    That was one hell of a post…But how did you get him to write woman! 😀

    Reply
    • Vikas Agarwal
      Vikas Agarwal on February 21, 2014 at 3:08 am

      Thanks Nabanita,…she drags me to write… 🙂

      Reply
  3. Corinne Rodrigues
    Corinne Rodrigues on February 19, 2014 at 3:56 pm

    Oh and here was I wondering what crime you had committed to deserve the life sentence you’re serving! 😛

    Reply
    • Vikas Agarwal
      Vikas Agarwal on February 21, 2014 at 3:10 am

      hahhahha ,this is not just for one bad karma,must be for millions i have committed in the past.Thanks Corinne,its great that u liked the post…

      Reply
  4. Varun Singh
    Varun Singh on February 19, 2014 at 4:07 pm

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    Reply
  5. Varun Singh
    Varun Singh on February 19, 2014 at 4:11 pm

    Earlier, I thought you have penned down this post and thus, got a little more excited to comment. Consequently, read half of the post and went straight to the comment box. 😀
    But, later found out that it was written by your hubby!
    Well, I must say, it made me lol 😀
    Pass my greeting to him.
    Moreover, will he also do a similar piece for Prison Break, The Big Bang theory, Dexter? 😀

    Reply
    • Vikas Agarwal
      Vikas Agarwal on February 21, 2014 at 2:38 pm

      Thanks Varun will see and work on it. at present i am working on Game of Thrones.

      Reply
    • Varun Singh
      Varun Singh on February 23, 2014 at 6:17 pm

      Game of Thrones! Can’t wait to read that 🙂

      Reply
  6. tulika singh
    tulika singh on February 19, 2014 at 5:30 pm

    Lol.. Richa you should get him to come here more often.

    Reply
    • Vikas Agarwal
      Vikas Agarwal on February 21, 2014 at 2:39 pm

      Ya Tulika…I want to but I am too lazy…she had to drag me to write.

      Reply
    • Vikas Agarwal
      Vikas Agarwal on February 21, 2014 at 2:41 pm

      No actually it didnt 🙁 still waiting

      Reply
  9. Eli Z
    Eli Z on February 19, 2014 at 5:50 pm

    That was fun to read! And yey for getting your husband to write:-)

    Reply
  10. Paula - Buenos Aires
    Paula - Buenos Aires on February 19, 2014 at 5:51 pm

    Not the first so I´m trying again. 🙂
    I liked the look of the blog, warm and tidy.
    Interesting social analysis, delivered in a light, humourous approach. Very engaging.

    Reply
  12. Red Handed
    Red Handed on February 20, 2014 at 4:57 am

    hahahahaah, you broke my heart. But you got a point here!!
    P.S- I could be your saul goodman!

    Reply
    • Vikas Agarwal
      Vikas Agarwal on February 21, 2014 at 2:43 pm

      Ok..I can think on this…great that you liked it.. 🙂

      Reply
  13. Kathy Combs
    Kathy Combs on February 20, 2014 at 2:40 pm

    Probably a good decision to stay on the straight and narrow and not take this option.

    Reply
    • Vikas Agarwal
      Vikas Agarwal on February 21, 2014 at 2:44 pm

      Ya true Kathy…difficult to workout the plan in India…

      Reply
  14. sugandha
    sugandha on February 20, 2014 at 4:35 pm

    Hahaha! lovely post

    Reply
  15. Kajal Kapur
    Kajal Kapur on February 20, 2014 at 5:17 pm

    That’s a lovely post, Vikas…you have some very good sense of humour. Niiiice!

    Reply
  16. vishalbheeroo
    vishalbheeroo on February 20, 2014 at 7:02 pm

    Love the hilarious post, Richa. The stark reality of life read with a smile on my face:)

    Reply
    • Vikas Agarwal
      Vikas Agarwal on February 21, 2014 at 2:47 pm

      I am happy to bring smile to your face ..Thanks Vishal

      Reply
  17. Mina Menon
    Mina Menon on February 21, 2014 at 7:10 am

    LOL – He has a sense of hunour! Loved it

    Reply
  18. Rajlakshmi
    Rajlakshmi on February 21, 2014 at 7:20 am

    ROFL 😀 loved it 😀 that’s how life is 😀 damn life…

    Reply
  20. Shilpa Garg
    Shilpa Garg on February 21, 2014 at 11:29 am

    LOL 😀 That was a fun read!! 😀

    Reply
  21. Michelle Liew
    Michelle Liew on February 21, 2014 at 5:12 pm

    His escape from punishment made me laugh!

    Reply
    • VIkas Agarwal
      VIkas Agarwal on February 26, 2014 at 4:06 pm

      Thnaks michelle

      Reply
  22. Pixie
    Pixie on February 22, 2014 at 5:21 pm

    LOL!!!

    You should make Vikas write more Richa! That was hilarious! 😀

    Reply
    • VIkas Agarwal
      VIkas Agarwal on February 26, 2014 at 4:07 pm

      Thanks Pixie, I will try and write more..

      Reply
  23. vaisakhi
    vaisakhi on February 23, 2014 at 3:14 pm

    My God! Writing runs in the Family!!! This was hilarious!!! Richa great work….for making Vikas write…:P

    Reply
    • VIkas Agarwal
      VIkas Agarwal on February 26, 2014 at 4:08 pm

      Thanks Vaisakhi..

      Reply
    • VIkas Agarwal
      VIkas Agarwal on February 26, 2014 at 4:10 pm

      Thnaks Ishita

      Reply
  26. Nikhil
    Nikhil on March 3, 2014 at 11:50 am

    ROFL…hillarious….True that,,,,Breaking Bad is definitely not possible here in India….All the above mentioned reasons are Bang on! 🙂

    Reply
  27. Anita
    Anita on March 3, 2014 at 8:37 pm

    Great analysis 🙂 Kudos to Richa for making hubby dear write! 🙂 Woman power!

    Reply

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