Can I be honest? Every time I read Vidya’s blog I get inspired to write more about my mother. And I often begin to write too but something somewhere snaps and I leave them as drafts.
I miss her. I really do. I often cannot bring myself to speak about it, it pains so much.
For me she never left. Every day in the past thirteen years I imagine I will wake up from a dream and realise she is there, at the door waiting for me to return from school. But it often takes me moments to snap out of this.
And today being christmas this loss is hitting me worst.
Every year my christmas holidays would be spent creating decorations, inviting friends and of course being happy. She would be an integral part of each of these activities. I would use fevicol and paste decorations on the house walls. I now imagine how weird it would look to have christmas decorations up on the wall throughout the year.
But not for her, her kids formed more important a part of life than those lifeless walls.
I miss being the person who drew decorations and stuck them on the walls without a care.
I miss you.
And I realise it is actually one and the same thing, missing you and that person I was.
That part of me died with you.
2014 is my year of acceptance. I have started to come to terms with this fact that you are not there, physically. I cry more for you than I used to before. I miss you more too. I believe my first step to moving on has begun.
In process either I will let go of that child too or discover it all over again. Only time can tell of course. They do say time is best healer, I have never quite agreed. But well perhaps I can do so now.
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| The cutie in yellow is “shady cool” |
The real worth of the closeness you shared with a loved one is realised when they are really far.
Keep your loved ones close this Christmas
The pathos here is vivid,Richa. It reminds me of my beloved kin who has departed.Sigh.
Christmas often reminds of happier times and always brings those who were there but not anymore…
I don’t think a person ever gets over losing their mom or dad. Especially at Christmas. Somehow it just isn’t Christmas without them in it. ♥
Amen to that Kathy.
This is beautiful Richa. *Hugs*. You are a strong person. More love to you! <3
*hugs* more love to you too 🙂
Touching write up, dear 🙂 Love the way you have portrayed the feelings. You are a strong person. And I’m sure your mom will always be there with you, near you, happy for you and guide you every day, in every way, even though there’s no physical presence.
Thats such a wonderful thought Sreeja 🙂 brightened up my day 🙂
Richa, I’m not even sure how to comment on this beautiful heartfelt piece. All I can say is, you are an amazing and strong person, and as Sreeja said, your mother is alway s there watching and guiding you 🙂
Thanks Sid 🙂 and I hope so too 🙂
I simply could not help but get moist eyed reading each line of this post. Richa, somehow that’s my greatest fear…to loose someone I love so dearly. I know she’s not around physically and is watching over you each day but I know how it means to have someone look at you, hold you, feel you, hug you.
More power to you girl, hugs abound! I am sure this year you will live a more fulfilled life!God bless!
Thanks for such amazing words Kajal. You know this is my worst fear too, losing someone really close. I guess it is a case of once burnt twice shy…
My dear…I don’t know what to say really…I know this must have been so hard to write…hugs. She is always with you and this Christmas too she is your Santa…from somewhere up there she has sent the best for her little girl! Lots of love….may 2014 be all that you want and more!
Thanks Aditi. And like I always say, she is forever my Santa…..
nice post! Merry Christmas, I have nominated you for the versatile blogger award, check https://aayesha1611.blogspot.in/2013/12/versatile-blogger-award-yay.html
Thanks a lot Aayesha 🙂
Richa … This is one feeling I am never able to share with you the way I want to ..My heart cries and wants to hug you and somehow make you feel better … Such heartfelt confessions from you gives me jitters ..Just want to hug you and say nothing …Love
And that is probably what I need, a hug and nothing more from you 🙂
I too have never agreed to that “time is the best healer” I find that the near and dear ones come up in our memory at the most odd times. But I feel that memories keep us going. Sometimes its good to look back and think of all the good things that a departed person has done for us.
Yes I believe that too Joe… 🙂 they form a part of our support system 🙂
Come here, Richa. Into my arms. Hugs! Love you!
*hugs* love you too 🙂
You made me miss and remember with love so many who I would rather have around me. But then, Life has it’s own ways and it’s own reasons too. I wish you strength for 2014 and admire the mother who shaped her daughter into such a wonderful human being.
Thanks Sakshi 🙂 and yes festivals often make us a lot about missing people…
I wasnt keeping well so didn’t get a chance to read blogs for the last 5-6 days… This post brought back so many memories.. had a lump in my throat when I read this…I could associate with every word, with every feeling that you must have felt when you wrote this… I lost my dad a few years ago all of a sudden, I wasn’t even around when it happened… and every single day ever since then I have felt this empty space in my life. Slowly I have begun to realize one thing.. that we can never come to terms with a parent’s loss, we just learn to hold them closer to us and accept that they will not be with us physically but are always around.. in our minds, in what we do and how we show the world the upbringing they inculcated in us. With that I have also realized that they continue to live, in us, in what we do. Your mum would be proud of you Richa, you are making her live to the fullest through you.
Seeta like when you read my blogpost it brought all these memories so is the case with me. I read your comment and it brought back so many things for me… I so relate to what you have said it is uncanny. I will feature your comment in one of my posts soon… I think it speaks so much to me I cannot let go as it is…
The best way to handle your feelings is not to handle them but to feel them !!
TIME the only healing factor,,I know it is very difficult but yes, life has to move on !!!
Yes life has to move on. And I do agree feeling them can be a way to handle…
A Liebster awaits you on my blog 🙂
https://reemadsouza.blogspot.in/2013/12/and-liebster-comes-my-way.html
Thanks Reema 🙂 I am blessed to have received another on this week! 😀
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What can I say…. heartfelt post :/
Heartfelt yes, I don’t know any other way to write 🙂
Lovely post! We felt the same when my wife lost her mom 3 months ago…Memories can be painful and at the same time joyous…. Again Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Merry christmas to you too 🙂 Yes memories have a bipolar disorder 😀
Beautiful post Richa. Tugged at my heart.
Why do people have to go away. 🙁
Yes Ragini that is a question I have been asking for quite sometime now…
I don’t know what to say. That was so touching! It must have been really difficult for you to write this. But writing often helps us come to terms with reality and teaches us to accept it…
Yes it does and hence I had to write it…..
Made me emotional… very touching post.. hope you have a happy year ahead…
Thanks Pratikshya 🙂 Hope you too have a happy year ahead 🙂
I just want to hug you and allow you to cry those tears – that little girl is very much alive in you – I can see! ♥
*hugs* now I need to see her in me 🙂