He even offered to scrap the whole of it if I don’t like it! Well well time for some non-jokes stuff. His post took me by surprise not because it was very good, which it was, but because it sort of formed an answer to all of the answers inside my head. Like his words were godsend in that moment.
Sid blogs at I wrote those and his posts are quirky, funny and have an insane element of always finding space in your life. Yes they will be things you cannot deny and of course always laugh at too. His recent post, Kyun, Queue is a perfect example of that. I recently stumbled upon his blog and I must say, I thanked my stars for it. And it doesn’t just stop at this, his mail which came along with the guest post reeked of immense humility and yes his wonderful message minutes back on facebook read as, “I hope you are not staying up to put up only the post, you could have done it tomorrow”.
Well well, yes I will stop. Now I will let him speak. 😀 Here he is Mr Sid Balachandran himself for the first time on The Philospher’s Stone!
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For a really long time, actually until quite recently, I had this little voice inside my head, constantly talking to me. Don’t worry! Like Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory says “I’m not crazy. My mother had me tested!”.
This little voice has helped me make and take some crucial decisions in my life – academically, professionally and even personally. But here’s the thing – the voice has not always been supportive or inspirational. Rather most of the times, it’s been a demotivation, so to speak. Actually, come to think of it,
I don’t think it’s ever said anything positive to me.
The voice constantly told me “You aren’t going to be able to do it! You’re just not good enough. You are such a failure compared to your peers!”
Every time I set myself an objective, the voice would taunt me. If I attained the objective, it would leave me alone for bit. Every time I lost, the voice would strip out every bit of self-dignity I had saying, “I told you!” It would even pilfer every last bit of happiness that I had left in my heart. Every. Single. Time.
As you can possibly imagine, this led me into a downward spiral. Though I’ve enjoyed a reasonable share of success as a child, as I grew up, I started doubting my abilities. I lost the confidence I had as a child. In spite of being more than qualified for some the professional roles I applied for, I felt I was not a fit for the role. As a child I loved to write, but this voice even destroyed that as it feasted on my self-doubts, insecurities and lack of confidence and became more powerful with each passing day. In time, the voice engulfed me with a feeling of worthlessness.
My wife, bless her good heart, tried a lot to get me out of this rut that I was in. I had a pretty decent job that I was good at, and we had a social life – but inside, the voice was always there, jeering at me and mocking my failures.
One day, my wife brought me a small bookmark, which had the following quote printed on it.
“When you doubt your power, you give
power to your doubt.” ~Honore de Balzac
That was the changing point in my life. In spite of having read numerous “Positive Thought” books and even joining a few “Art of Living sort-of-classes”, that single quote jolted me back into reality, with a realization. The voice in my head was a manifestation of my own self-doubts.
And yes, the more I self-loathed, the more poisonous and powerful the voice became.
I’ll be honest. The change from feeling completely worthless to believing in myself wasn’t an overnight journey. It has taken its time. And of course there were a lot of steps involved. Today, keeping with Richa’s “I Believe” theme, I’d like to share my five-step plan that helped me believe in myself again.
Recall your skills
Yes, I admit, there are times when you feel you may not have many skills. But trust me, each of us do. Sometimes we miss the obvious…the facts that are right in front of you.
The next time people compliment you -etch it in your mind. Remember that they do it, because you’re good at it. And recollect these in times of need or when you’re feeling low. You’ll immediately start feeling better and start to believe in yourself again.
Love yourself
Clichéd as it sounds this is of utmost importance. When the chips are down, you turn into your own worst enemy. The key here is to remember that you are your own best friend. So treat yourself better, because you deserve better. Let me try and simplify that with an example:
If your best friend were down, demotivated and upset, what would you do?
Would you support them and concentrate on their wins/successes and positives or would you kick them when they’re down? Then why wouldn’t you do the same for yourself?Remember that you are always more capable and worthy than you probably give yourself credit for. Trust yourself.
Mute those toxic detractors
Just like the little voice in my head, there are actually people who specialize in making you feel hopeless. They believe everything is impossible, and will be the first to shoot down any ideas that you may have to get out of your misery.
Seek and surround yourself with supportive people who share your same passions and who can inspire you. They’re there everywhere – in your family, friends, books, blogs, maybe even on social networking sites. They help you see the light at the end of the tunnel and get you working towards it.
Try, even when you feel you don’t have a shot
Having a bad or negative mindset is what stops us from attempting things that we are not comfortable with. Yes, not everyone can be successful at everything; if we could, the world would just be filled with similar people and we’d lose the uniqueness that each of us have. Worse, if we never try new things, we’ll never make progress. So hold on to that belief that you can do it, and push ahead.
Help others
Helping others is an important step in reclaiming or improving your confidence. When we help others, we often get a much better view of what we’re capable of as individuals. It gives you a sense of self-worth; it makes you feel that you’re capable of doing whatever you set your mind on; it instills a phenomenal sense of fulfillment – it helps you believe in yourself again. And of course, you can expect their support too.
You might wonder what gives me the right to “preach” on how to regain one’s self-confidence, when I’ve been down in the dumps for the better part of my adult life. The reason’s simple – It’s because I’ve been there. I know how it is to feel worthless; that nagging feeling that stops you from even attempting things that you know in your heart you’re good at. I’ve pulled myself out of that mess to get to a place where I believe in myself, more strongly than ever before. And I believe that others can do it too, with a little motivation and whole lot of support.
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Wow, that was quite a post from somebody whose forte is primarily humor. Very refreshing to see practical easy to follow tips to renew belief in one’s own abilities, although I personally find it hard to believe that the author was somebody who lacked self belief at any point in time. Lovely post 😀 and a worthy addition to the I believe series
Haha. I’m glad you think that my forte is humor. Unfortunately it is very true – no fiction at all in the post. But hey, I’m in a much better place now. I’d say writing saved me !.and of course my wife. Thank you for your kind comments Jairam.
Everyone goes through this phase in life. Sometimes more than once. The idea is to get back on our feet and move on. Sometimes the inner voice can be helpful when the others around us discourage us. Sometimes it is the other way around. Either way, along the journey of life, we learn what to accept and what to keep away. Heartfelt post Sid. This is a good list indeed. I love the part when you say “helping others improves confidence”. This is so true. 🙂
Absolutely Jyothi. It’s all about making sure that we don’t get too bogged down with the negativity and just focus on our strengths and positives. And of course friends are a great asset to have! Thank you 🙂
Sid, I guess we all go through similar phases at some point or the other in life. But these are the real tests which teach us to grow out of them and helps improve our survival instincts. And as you said no amount of books, spiritual discourses or classes are sometimes able to invoke in us what a few words written somewhere by someone or spoken by someone can do. Good one and may you always stay positive. 🙂
Spot on Rekha. It just makes us stronger 🙂 Thank you !
Sid – Great post Sid. More than you, I think this post should be a dedication to your life. Sometimes its those small words which come to us at those timely moments which make all the difference. Thanks for sharing your personal story, and may the good times roll on. Nischala
Thank you Nischala.
Here’s to hoping the good times roll on too 🙂
Wow, this is a very refreshing point and post!
Thank you Katherine 🙂
Richa thanks for introducing Sid. Loved the quote – that’s thought provoking. Some really good strategies here particularly recall your skill. Will remember that one in the future. And “try even when you don’t have a shot” is a good reminder ‘cos if you don’t try you definitely won’t get there. Also dropped by your blog and enjoyed your Kyun Queue post.
Yes Richa – Thank you indeed for that wonderful introduction.
Suzy – Thank you for your kind comments. Yes, the quote is absolutely inspirational. And glad you enjoyed the “Kyun Queue” post 🙂
I liked that post. But it is so hard to make those voices stop…! But so worth the effort. 🙂
Thank you Windy. If the voices are impacting you negatively, then it needs to stop. Or rather you need to get past it. I know how it feels and I know it isn’t easy, but it can be done. Of course, support is key. If you just need a little bit of motivation, feel free to reach out to any of us …we’ll be there 🙂
Best way to learn! Live it and then teach it:-) Loved the quote. Thanks for sharing your story.
Absolutely Dr Tandy. Experience is an amazing teacher, and there’s nothing like being able to pass on that story and its learnings 🙂
Loved that Honore de Balzac Quote. Random gestures or small words just make our life different. very well written post from experience. And about the inner voice… how I hate it at times…
Ah Sheethal – Very true. The smallest of gestures can make our lives both great and sometimes a bit miserable. As for the inner voices, you can get over it. In the meantime, we’re here if you need a little motivation. You know we love your writings 🙂
How lovely is this. Not just an honest story told, but also easy, tried and tested tips one can follow. Very nice Sid.
And thanks Richa for bringing this for us!
Thank you Kajal 🙂
I didn’t really ever considered my second vice like that. I always thought, its so you could mentally prepare for the worst and when it did hit you in the face you can always say I knew this was about to happen. Now that i think about it, that was me not giving myself enough credit. When i read this post, the other voice came out and said….just what you need to hear! I will try and do what you said. Hope it makes some difference 🙂
It can be both a positive and deterring voice at times Sivakarthik 🙂 I hope it makes the difference too !
A very powerful post..Liked your step plan. Believing in ourselves is the most important thing. And the fulfillment through helping others – appreciate this point very much.
Absolutely. Believing in ourselves can make us achieve most things (See I’m still not a 100% confident of saying everything….:). Glad you enjoyed the read !
Very relevant points here and nicely listed too.
Great saying- When you doubt your power, you give power to your doubt.
The force is within us. I believe that if we believe, we can achieve 🙂
Yes, manage to even train those voices in the head to support & cheer for us! 🙂
Absolutely…once we believe in ourselves, even those voices will cheer for us 🙂
Mute those toxic detractors, this point was my favorite. Loved the way it was introduced and explained. At times all that is needed is words like ‘just try’ or ‘whats wrong in trying’ and then even impossible turns into I M possible. Staying with people who don’t understand you or are ready to pull you down is like sitting on a branch and cutting the same branch.
I couldn’t have put it better Athenas Take 🙂 Those toxic detractors need to be shut off at all costs !