So you see it is the microscopic elements of nature which give you diarrhea and viral fever not the lions and elephants. The smaller it gets the bigger becomes its importance.
Today I will talk about the small things that one always needs to remember in first year of marriage and probably forever ( a lot from experience!) As they say it is the toughest time of life..
Embrace diversity
Accept that he/she is born from another mother with a different set of genetic coding. Of course he/she doesn’t enjoy same things as you. The faster you do this the easier this transition into “double life” begins.
Our parents
Like him/her, his/her parents too belong to a different coding. They are not your parents, no they don’t see things like your family does. And always pointing out to him things like “in my house” or “my father would not do this” is not going to get you anywhere. If at all they would only embitter things between you too. You have to accept him/her and his/her family as they are.
Remember who you are
Having mentioned the diversity element, another thing I always want to express to my newly married friends is that one should not give up who they are. Many times in course of adjusting we go beyond our means and at the end find ourselves lost. This after a while begins to generate a lot of build up frustration inside us which finds outlet in ugly ways. We may never pinpoint it but a lot of residue in heart is due to our helplessness to identify the change back. So stick to who you are, without being rigid.
Not all small things matter
Like all small things matter so does small fights. Yes issues like “who is a better actress” or to even “which show to watch on tv” has always been seen to lead up to a bigger argument. As humans we hate when people say no to us. We feel like we are not loved, not understood not cared for and when this no arrives all such emotions flood back. A negative notion generates us to fee unworthy. But my friend think about it, its only a TV show and a lame actress. Remember in life there are going to be bigger things to fight about.
Space to breathe
As newly married people, we often want to spend all our time with each other. This gets to one person at sometime or the other. And is known to be the most basic reason behind many altercations. I can understand the emotions behind this logic but then sometimes space is required to help us feel better. If the argument still fails remember you have a long long time to spend with each other, better save up the charm for future!
Turn the heater on
As much as the times may change, this can never go old fashioned. Be romantic. Every weekend plan something special, even if its a nice lunch or dinner or some takeaway. Express yourself. Show them how important they are. How much everyday you thank god you are with them. How different your life would be if it wasn’t for them. I know if you have the “un-expressive” kind, they might not react instantly but slowly the romance will melt them away. (This one from some well proven personal experience !) Because as they say sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart.
From experience and a lot of conversations I have deduced that the first year of marriage is the toughest and almost all have the same viewpoint. For those who are yet to get married this is a good pre marriage note and for those in their fourth or fiftieth year of marriage, some points may be useful and others may bring back some memories 🙂
This post was written for Write Tribe
Nice post…..
thanks you Prasann jee 🙂
You have a very nice flow of expression in your posts.
thanks a lot 🙂
Cool tips…practice would make perfect, I reckon 🙂 😉
Kajal still practising! 😀 😀
Richa, Thank you soooooo much.. U know how scared I am of getting married??
I break into sweat as I think of so many of my friends’ marriages ending in divorces..
Thank you for showing that we can still be humans and not turn into unrecognisable monsters..as long as we take care of the small things..Phew!!!Hugsie ^~^
haha 😀 I remember this is exactly how I felt about my own marriage initially. I too had too many apprehensions and ripley’s believe it or not was the first to get married in extended circles. All the advice is self tried and tested. You can have faith in me on such things 😀
Very aptly said. Its not going to the Moon is only important in life. Going to the neighborhood park too is significant for memories. Trivial things often are more remembered than the so called bigger things.
true fayaz and we often forget to remember all of them thats the issue 🙂
You are such a deep thinker Richa – i mean wowwwwwwwwww. Want to continue seeig thru’ your glasses. U are meaningful and so so rich here –
thanks a lot Rayla 🙂
Nice Post. .
thank you 🙂
Hmmmm… Thanks for all the insider tips. I hope they will prove useful for me the day I decide to settle down with Mr. Right 😛
I hope soo too 😀 😀
Some fantastic advice here, Richa. Never going to sleep without making up after an argument is a rule I try to follow – or else I don’t get sleep at night! 🙂
me too!!! 😀
abhi toh aapka beta kuwara hai…lekin maa ki ye baatein woh hamesha yaad rakhega
Maa ki sabhi baatein yaad rakhna tabhi aage jeevan mein bhadoge 😀
😛
Bahut khoob! Lot of wisdom. 🙂 Am sure it will be very useful for newly-weds.