The bright sunshine days of married life usually the first couple of months or more ( in happy cases) ensure that your husband pays close attention to all your demands even if they sometimes begin to border on whims and fancies. And all of them are religiously listened to and abided by things like “keep your hair short” “keep your chin up while walking” “your sideburns are way too long” “tuck your shirt” “fold your sleeves”  “you are a man wear leather shoes” “a clean shave every day EVERY EVENING”. Each one of these, sometime or the other irked your husband but he dare not reveal so. The end result it that you continue to live in your wonderland bliss and remain in “true love” or in other words “true abiding love”.

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” I dont care! You need to get clean shaven before the party. And yes remember to tuck your shirt in. These are the only things I ask you do, thats it. Cant you do it for me? Please. Dont you love me anymore? Sweetie doesnt love poppy poo any more” I batted my eyelashes with instant fake tears welled up behind them, this all to add the effect to the words “You dont love me anymore”.

*                                                               *                                                                          *
An hour later.

We had reached the party and well mingled in the crowd as well. Oblivious to the disaster in process I was merrily gossiping and discussing high fashion brands when my dear husband was listening to the following banter.

“Shirt tucked in leather shoes Raja babu lag rahe ho ek dum. Shave toh aise kara hai jaise Karan Johar ki agli film ke CHIKNE CHAMELA tum hi banoge. Bhaiya shaadi kya hui hai rang roop hi badal gaya hai tumhara” Subhash was dissecting my poor hubby’s pretty persona.

“Ek dum joru ka ghulam” Abhinav just added the icing to the torture.

The seeds of mutiny had been set, I like all major ruling parties had very little doubt that such a shock was on its way.

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 “Did you see how stupid Anju looked in that bottle green saree and Suresh just had way too much to drink. He was dancing away to glory with his poor wife almost down to tears seeing his theatrics” my usual after party sessions of de-rating other people’s clothes and behavior to subtly prove my perfection was on.

“I just feel you should stop dictating my choices in clothes and stuff” he suddenly spoke.

I remained calm. This was just a fleeting spike in the graph, a couple of hours later it will all get fine. After all he wanted to wear rented clothes for our wedding. Three hours and five calls later he had purchased that brand new sherwani. I can handle this.

“And listen its very tedious to shave everyday, you have no idea coz you dont have to do it. I am not going to shave every evening from now onwards. In fact I might just prefer the stubble look to be honest.” he spoke in a rant.

This was war. It was then that I understood that the gold and maroon sherwani purchase was a cake walk.

                                                            

*                                                                           *                                                                   *
Almost twenty four hours had passed. There had been no anomaly in the behavior so far. I had almost convinced myself that my fears were unfounded. Though just one last exam was left to pass. There was a party to attend tonight. I invariably ensured he shaved before going out come what may, lets see what happens tonight.

I looked at him, he was all ready for the party. The white shirt well tucked, the shoes smelling of recently applied black polish. The face glimmered in the cover of white-black stubble. The war had touched LOC. I needed to take an action very quickly.

“I don’t feel like going for this party” I spoke off handishly.

“Okay Ishleen is waiting for me outside her apartments we had to pick her up. Dont want to make her late as well. Do you need something or should I go?” he replied if possible in a more off handish manner.

*                                                                *                                                                              *
A plan is all one needs in such situation. In olden days women resorted to motherly advice in todays world they turn to modern age messiah- the internet.

I googled the words “How to deal with a husband who doesnt listen to you anymore”.

 After about two hours of searching, researching and shutting down the laptop I had concluded one thing. According to the netizen world my marriage was like a Mayan’s calendar well past its expiry date. The word divorce is what can provide the best solution.

*                                                               *                                                                            *
Day 1 of war

“Whats cooking?” my husband came by and asked.

“You tell me. I have to meet Parv my friend from college” the effect my words had on him was worth a million dollars.

“And yes dont wait up” with these words I shut the door and found myself standing in fresh air I could almost breathe in the fragrance of first success.

Strike One.

*                                                              
*                                                                            *
Day 2

“I hope you remember we have to bring back those photographs from the shop” I spoke while chopping vegetables for the dinner.

“I have a cricket match to play in another twenty minutes. Here is the key take the car and bring them” he threw the bunch right in front of me.

TAKE THE CAR! A subtle shot at my inability to drive.

Strike One (negative).

                                                              
*                                                                          *                                                                 *
Day 3

“All dressed up, are you going out somewhere and I shuouldnt wait up” he said these words with a hint of mockery.

“Actually even you should change into something better, Parv, my college friend is coming for dinner” I replied with my best innocent smile.

An hour later.

“Parv I loved your recent Pondicherry photos on facebook. Perfect gentleman look” I spoke these words while beaming a little too much.

“In our Navy its a rule. Everyday formals. Everyday clean shave” he replied in his typical crisp tone.

“Ahhhh no wonder so many girls have a crush on you. If  I wasnt married I would have you know what I mean,” I laughed my girly laugh after it to add the perfect mix to words.

“Dont kill me man though I agree you are a lucky dog. She is way too gorgeous,” Parv replied while almost holding my gaze in his.

“Come one Parv stop kidding. Here why dont you have some more ice cream. No no eat a little more, here let me make you eat with my own hands” I took the bowl and spoon and did the honours. I didnt look back once but then I knew what chain reactions were arriving on my husband’s face.

Strike two ( I think I can make it strike ten though).

*                                                              
*                                                                          *
Day 4 (evening)

Red shirt( I hate) + blue ruffian torn jeans (I despise) + almost a thick stubble ( I can puke)- my husband looked like a walking talking roadside rogue.

“Going to pick Ishleen, her scooty broke down,” he spoke in a careless manner. Strike three (negative).

“And yes dont wait up”he continued. Strike three hundred (negative).

*                                                              
*                                                                          *
Day 4 (night)

“What are you looking at? Go off to sleep its late” he spoke quite drearily.

“Wedding photographs” I quietly replied.

“Hmmm, having second thought?” he said sarcastically.

“Please shut up. Just seeing how handsome you are looking in this sherwani,” I spoke.

“Sherwani! Yes please see it clearly in the photograph because now for the rest of the life it is going to remain locked away. What a waste of money that was,” he covered the blanket over him and turned on his side to sleep.

Sniff sniff.

“What happened? Arre now what did I do? Why are you crying all of a sudden?” he had got up now his head propped on the pillow.

“You dont love me anymore. You used to listen to everything I used to say before and now. You didnt even take me along to pick up Ishleen. She must be now thinking we are having problems…” sniff sniff

“Right! And openly flirting with Parv was a great thing to do,” he replied vitriolically.

“Parv is my college friend, I cant even imagine flirting with him! It was all so friendly. You have a sick mind, you dont trust me. I dont want to talk to you,” I stuttered.

booohoooo booohhoooooo  (Strike hundred 😀 )

“Richa stop crying please” he almost himself came down to tears.

“Acha I am so sorry. Please stop crying. Richa Richa, achhha come here let me hug you, come here”

“Hmmm, ouch your stubble is hurting my cheek. Now I cant even hug you see,” I broke away.

“What do you want from me?” he spoke quite desperately.

“All I want is that you should love me from the bottom of your heart” I replied wiping away my tears.

“Which mean listen and obey everything you say” he replied a little irritatedly.

Boooohooooo boooohhoooooo

“Thats how you perceive this bond of marriage. I never thought you would talk like this. I give you orders! I only speak of your own good. I am not able to understand why you have become like this. Such heartlessness from you” I spoke between tears.

Booohoooo boooohooooooo

“Fine!! I love you and will do everything to make you happy” he replied sounding submissive.

“Everything?” I asked with my doe eyed look,”you know na I am no forcing you or anything”.

“Yes I know that”, he quietly replied, he didnt seem very credible in his words though.

“Everything?” I asked again.

“Everything”, this time he replied with a smile.

“Starting with shaving every evening?” I stuttered.

“Every evening” he replied.

“Formal shirts to parties” I said.

“Formal shirts,” he repeated after me.

“leather shoes” I quickly recalled my list.

“Leather shoes” he recited.

“A new I pad for me” I spoke with my sweetest smile.

“Richaaaaa!!” he exclaimed.

boohooooo boooohooooo

“Okay fine! A new ipad for you! Jesus! Now hey hey stop flashing your stupid grin you little elf” he spoke almost half laughing.

“Little elf” I screamed.

“Sorry sorry rona nhi rona nhi, my cutie little princess”

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This piece though has been written as a part of a blogadda competition, but fortunately or unfortunately is quite close to my real life. The price of being a demanding wife has been paid by many I didnt want my husband to feel left out so I ensured I followed the trend well. Only kidding (though very serious!) Hope you all enjoy reading it because I surely had fun writing it 🙂

This post is a part of the 'Shave or Crave'
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